Congrats are in order

The NC Grissom household has received some good news over the past several days.

First, Tyler was elected to the position of Band Vice President. Jordan High School's band officers play a integral part in the planning, execution and day to day operation of the band program. The board of directors is run by parents but their roll, entirely, is to support the program as defined by the Band Director and the Student Officers. The officers are elected by the student members of the band and the elections are usually very competitive. Tyler made it a goal his freshman year to be elected band vice president his senior year. He worked endless hours before and after events, doing all the little things that make a concert or marching competition successful. Tyler is highly respected in the band as was evident by the significant percentage of votes he received. Congratulations Mr. Vice President. (By the way, Melodie was elected to President)

Second news. Auditions for the 2005-2006 Jordan HS Drum Line were held yesterday. Even before he started HS, Kyle has made it his goal to play snare on the drum line his sophomore year. He attended marching drum camp last summer where he probably first realized how hard he would have to work to obtain his goal. The drum line is arguably the most competitive of all the section in the marching band. There is always significant competition and this year was no different. Being a freshman put Kyle at a little of a disadvantage, going up against upper classman and not having really played and marched before. After everyone's ears stopped ringing from all the drumming, Congrats go out to Kyle for making the not only making the drum line but the Snare line. HERE are the posted results.

Karen and I are really proud of our kids. These may not sound like significant events to many but we know how much work and dedication both of the boys have put into attaining these goals. And as a former band member myself I am proud to have help raise such a fine group of band geeks!

Quick Monday Morning Update

Man, What happened to last week. It does not seem like it has been over a week since the last BLOG. Guess I have been busy.

Michelle's Soccer team had a game on Saturday, their third. It all came together this week and they played well. It was their first win of the season. The score was 6-0. Michelle scored 2 with at least 1 assist. I wrote earlier that she was saving up to buy an Apple IPOD shuffle, mp-3 player. She did and she really enjoying it. She made a little protective sock for it and dyed it with cranberry herbal tea. Now we get the pleasure of listening to her sing along to her music... all... the time. Now the problem is her digital Camera. She was out at the lake taking pictures of the baby ducks and other signs of spring around the neighborhood and accidentally dropped her camera in the lake. We took the battery out and let it dry out for a day or two. When we put it back in the camera was not completely dead. It turned on and the screen lit up but that was about it. With her agreement, I disassembled it and cleaned it up. After an hour or two I was able to get most of the functions working. There are still one or two of the buttons that do not work 100% of the time. I will try again if nothing else it will give me the opportunity to find where the screw goes that was leftover once I finished re-assembling it. Anyway, soon she may be saving up for a new camera.

Kyle played golf with Howard on Friday (the boys had the day off school) and he did pretty well, so I am told. He managed to break a driver however. He swung and the head sailed out in front of him. He is using an old hand-me-down set of clubs from Howard. Maybe Howard did most of the damage and it just happened to break on Kyle ;-) . Other than that Kyle is in the process of building a plant box, complete with lights and such. He wants to grow plants in his room. (strawberries and herbs etc. Nothing funny mind you. It has been interesting helping him with the project. We have different thinking processes. Then again we are very similar. It is good for both of us, I think, to understand each other a little better.

Tyler had a big weekend. He went to the Junior/Senior Prom Saturday Night with Melodie and a group of friends. He seemed to have a good time. After the prom the parents of one of the group hosted a small after the prom event where they could stay the night, play games, watch movies etc. without alcohol, drugs, or hanky-panky. It was nice for them to have that opportunity and at the same time us parents could have some piece of mind they were safe and relatively free of temptations. Tyler's other big news is he earned his drivers license on Friday... at least Tyler is excited :-P

Bob came home for the weekend. He had a friends wedding to go to and he worked a little at the Durham Bulls. Other than driving him home on Sunday I did not see much of him. He is still looking for a second part time job for the summer. Car-Max fell through. He has a friend who works at Blockbuster who is trying to get him in there.... The Bulls job is priority so he needs to find a job where he can work around their schedule. Besides just needing gas and general spending money, Bob wants to buy the Stratus from us. Otherwise he will have to share the car with Tyler. Karen and I want him to buy the car too; 1) so we can pay off the Tile and Carpet. 2) So we can avoid the arguments over the car that I know will happen, and 3) Once the kids buy their own car (or have their first insurance rate altering event, ticket, accident etc.) they are responsible for paying for their car insurance. This will help offset the cost of Tyler's insurance. Teenage drivers ain't cheap.

Karen and I have been basically doing our thing. Not much time for much entertainment or relaxation. Most nights we settle down by 9:00 and sit and watch our shows together. And we do have a standing date; Once a week we go out to lunch. It's a nice break in the middle of the work day for me. And its the only time we really get much chance to be together without kids around. I am still working too much, and Karen is still having sleep troubles. But we have a vacation planned in June to look forward to.

Ya gotta practice

I was listening to NPR a week or so ago, on my way into work, and I heard a quote from Martha Graham. I did not know at the time who Martha Graham was but who ever she is, what she said struck a chord with me. The following quote was taken from a "This I believe" radio essay she did back in the 1950s. It was re-broadcast On NPR April 4th 2005.

“"I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of one's being, a satisfaction of spirit..."

Martha Graham's words should not have a revelation to me, after all...

I am a soccer coach I teach the players that the repetition of practice is the only way to make the mechanics of the game second nature so during the game you can think about the higher levels of the game, the mental aspects of the game, the strategy. I found, when I was playing soccer, I needed to keep practicing and playing the game in order to train my body not only to perform at a higher level but to prevent injury to myself and others.

I play the trumpet, not so much lately but when life was not so crazy.... I know, and have taught my kids that picking up the horn or the drum sticks even 10 minutes a day, even if they do not read a single note off a page, even if of doing nothing than playing long slow scales or lip slurs, or running through percussion rudiments on your leg, It keeps the muscles trained. It keeps your ears trained to keep things in tune, It keeps the internal metronome in time... You practice so when you are performing you don't have to worry about the mechanics of playing and can concentrate and excel in the higher levels, performing music, not just notes.

I have 4 kids. I don't know how many times I have heard "I don't have any homework", or "I already know how to do this stuff, I don't need to do homework". As a parent I try to convey that they need to do the homework not only to learn or solidify their understanding of the subject or skills at hand but also to train their brain to see a type of problem or situation and know without thinking, how to approach it. You do homework to not only pass the test that may be coming up but to actually 'Learn'. To be able to, when a problem, either in school or in practical application, comes up that is perhaps not exactly like what was taught, you don't have to think about the mechanics of solving that problem/situation. Having the knowledge or skill as second nature allows you to concentrate on how to most efficiently and effectively address the problem or task at hand; a higher level of knowledge.

Karen and I ask our kids to perform tasks around the house. Sure it is appropriate for them to participate in the running of and care for the household. But it also is practice. Practice performing practical tasks, cooking cleaning etc.. This practice not teaches them that putting a red shirt in the laundry with whites will often results in pink underwear, or that if the trash is left over night with cantaloupe rinds in it, the next morning the whole house stinks and ants will invade. Chores also train their mind to not accept clutter or dirt as normal, that clean is good, dirty is bad. The hope is, when they get out on their own, they will instinctively wash the dishes when they are dirty. That they will dump the trash when it is full or do the laundry when it is dirty so rather then getting bogged down with mountains of laundry and ant and rats running a muck in their home they will be able to concentrate on the higher level aspects of life, career, love and happiness.

Heck even Babies need to practice sleeping, getting to sleep and being able to fall back to sleep if they wake in the night. Any parent who raised their child past the age of 6 months can tell you how important this is....

Martha Graham's words should not have a revelation to me but they are.

Maybe I knew it on some level but it took this radio show to bring to the surface that life needs to be practiced.

I need to practice smiling so when, for a moment, I exchange the glance of a passerby in the hall, a smile instinctively comes to my face. Who knows that person may someday be my boss.

I need to practice self confidence so when an good opportunity arises, my first instinct is "sure, I can do that" instead of "I don't think I can do that".

I need to practice being happy, so when despair comes I will have the strength of mind and instinct to return to the positive instead of succumbing to darkness.

I need to practice patience, with myself and other, so I instinctively take a deep breath and move forward rather then having frustration prevail preventing the eventually success in my endeavors or the success in my relationship with others.

I need to practice speaking and writing so when it is important the right word flow.

I need to practice listening so when discussions become emotional I can instinctive hear what is meant if perhaps not said.

I need to practice a positive outlook So my instincts are to see the good in people and situations instead of the bad; So small tasks don't become huge chores; So I can recognize opportunities and not mistake them as roadblocks. And I instinctively trust rather than distrust.

I need to practice balance in my life so when pressures of the job are high and time commitments are long, I will be able to again return to normalcy when the pressures lessen.

I need to practice caring so when someone is in trouble, I will instinctively do what I can to assist rather than look away.

I need to practice life so, when it is almost over, I can concentrate on what lay ahead rather than what I should have done in the past.

Quickie Update on the employment front.

On Friday, Kyle received a call from Edy's Ice Cream parlor. They thanked him but could not use him right now. The good new is that 10 minutes earlier he also received a call from Cold Stone Creamery, another Ice cream parlor near by, not Quite as close but not too bad. He had his "audition" on Monday and he got the call tonight and they offered him a Job. He starts the first week of May. Good for Him!

Tyler starts his job Sunday. He has been spending lots of hours in rehearsal for the school's spring Musical 'Lil Abner'.

My job situation is looking positive. I have a verbal agreement/offer from Richardson and I have talked to my current manager. Everything looks like a go. Management are negotiating my release date. I should have a better Idea by the end of the week. I will not have to move. I can telecommute from Durham as we discussed.

That's it for now....

What's been happening.

I enjoy writing about random thoughts and beliefs. I enjoy ranting about political events etc. But I know most folks that read this blog regularly really are more interested in what the family is up to etc. So I will put aside my philosophies and opinions, for at least a day, to catch my loyal readers up on the NC Grissom's happenings.

The news of the day concern employment activities. I will start with me. Nortel has yet to officially announce it, for whatever reason, but it has been unofficially confirmed that it's RTF/Raleigh lab will be target of significant cost reductions. These reductions have been rumored involve between 40% and 80% layoffs in key programs. One of which is the program I am funded under. The writing is on the wall in other words. It is a stressful environment and there is more work to do than any of us can handle. Anyway I have an opportunity to transfer to another position within Nortel, one that does not, currently at least, have the threat of layoffs looming. In fact they are filling new positions. This opportunity is in Richardson Texas. I have not officially been offered the position because I need to discuss this with my current management before this can happen. I have an appointment with my manager on Monday. The job, as I said, is based out of Richardson. However I have an agreement with who would be my new VP that I can telecommute from Durham/RTF till at least the end of the next school year, Tyler's Senior year, and perhaps indefinitely. We may still contemplate moving but it would not be immediate, if for no other reason that the company will not assist with relocation. I will provide more details about the job etc. once things are finalized.

Bob, as I think I mentioned before, Lost his job at ECU 3 weeks after he started in January; Budget cuts, he effectively was laid off. The sad part was in order to take the job he had to quit his Apple Store Job; conflict of interest or something like that. The management there are very impresses with Bob, so much so that they let him stay on the payroll through the fall semester and work a weekend here and there, so he could work for them over holiday and summer breaks. Unfortunately, after he resigned, they hired a bunch of folks and there are no openings right now. He has been looking other for Summer employment opportunities. He does have a job with the Durham Bulls lined up. He will work 5 -6 hours each day the Bulls have a home game. In fact he is comming home this weekend to work. Bob is also looking for another part time job. I have a friend that works at Car-Max that said he will try and push his application through. That would be good money for him, and good experience. They provide professional sales training etc..

Tyler has completed the drug screening and pre-tests etc for his job at Harris Teeter (Grocery store chain). He probably could have started sooner but he is involved in the orchestra for the HS spring musical production of 'Lil' Abner. So I believe he starts sometime after the 15th of April. On top of that Tyler also is responsible for maintaining the field markings for the local soccer associations. Bob had this job for a couple of years, Tyler assisted for a while, He took it over and now Kyle is assisting. It pays well and is relatively flexible, as long as the fields are ready for the games.

Kyle, as I mentioned has been helping with the soccer fields. Since Tyler has been so busy with the play Kyle has been working most of the hours. Karen, Michelle and I, and even Karen's Mom helped last weekend as well, so the fields would be ready for the first week of practice. Kyle also applied for a position at Edy's Ice Cream. It is a new store close by the house. He should hear something today. The manager indicated she wanted to start training on Monday so... Keep your fingers crossed.

Michelle... well she desperately wants to earn money. She wants to buy an IPOD shuffle for our Arizona trip in June. As I said she helped out with the soccer fields, she has washed a couple of cars etc.... She is getting close to her goal. More long term she said she would like to take the red cross baby-sitting course so she can, do 'mommy assistant' for a while; help keep an eye on kids while parents are busy out in the yard etc. Then eventually start traditional sitting when she is a little older and confident.

Of course Karen is working keeping the rest of us from completely falling apart. I am not sure the family, myself included, have full appreciation for how much she does for each of us. Not a glamorous job but the most important of them all.

Everyone out of the pool!

It's Monday again, and again I sit here at my desk, a backlog of work weighing heavily on my mind. This Monday morning, like most Monday mornings, I resolve that this week is the week I will pull it all together. I sit here at my computer an plan how I will defeat the sins of the past. The sins of other, and the sins I myself committed; Software sins.

This Monday morning, on the drive in to work, I reflected on what seems to be an endless stream of past Monday mornings and I realized it is as if I have been floating on one of those lazy rivers, like at the water parks. You get on an inner tube and you can close your eyes and float down stream... well forever. Or till they close the park. I need to get off my inner tube and work my way to the stairs and get on a different ride.

There's the water slide; something with it's twists and turns but ultimately ends up going somewhere other than where you started. There are usually a wide variety and levels of water slides. Water slides can move pretty quickly and can be exhillerating but ultimately come to an abrupt end. At which time you have to pick yourself up, walk the walk and climb the stairs all over again. When I was younger I loved the water slides, back when I have more energy and confidence that could get off the ride and quickly find another. Now, my knees hurt if I take too many stairs and too many twists and turns makes me queezy.

Perhaps the wave pool. You can wade in as deep as you like, the waves are predictable and periodic and yet depending on where you are positioned provide endless opportunities and paths. The wave pool is usually the most crowded attraction at the park and you often end up bumping into, or you patch redirected by other swimmers. The more eager of the swimmers are constantly jockeying for the best position on the waves and unless you are aggressive, you have to settle for the shallower, or more tame section of the wave. Wave pools have never been very satisfying for me. Ultimately you spend a lot of time positioning yourself fighting with the youngsters for the prime position. And when it comes down to it the water will take you where it is going and you ultimatly, unless you are a strong swimmer, have little influence on your path.

Significant personnel cuts are eminent at Nortel. In the past, if you worked hard and positioned yourself well, you were likely to be sparred. Now, mostly all that is left are the good swimmers. We are all at risk and cuts target programs more than people. Over the past several years, many around me have been not only whistled out of the pool but kicked out of the park all together; forced to venture on to other opportunities different industries. One past colleague, with some buddies, has opened up a chain of pizza shops. Others pick up contract work here and there but have not been able to find anything permanent. And others still have not found a thing and have been unemployed wading around for over a year.

For me to keep my head above water, I need to get out of this endless stream of Mondays. Plot a new course. Heck maybe even open up my own water park. At the very least, for now, I must at least be prepared for when the lifeguard blows the whistle and points at me.

Terry Shivo Impact

Well Terry Shivo passes away yesterday. Not to be callous or insensitive but I am glad her suffering is done.

I feel bad for both sides of the battle. Mostly for her husband however. From all reports, and I must admit I did not follow the story closely, He was trying to do his wife's wishes. He was prevented from doing so by years and years of court battles, which, I am sure, did not help him financially. The family was dragged out into public view to be judged and ridiculed on what should have been a very personal matter. A matter between Husband and wife. A husband who probably sacrificed greatly over 14 years with basically a brain dead wife, caring for her, with little hope, and eventually NO hope of recovery. It was probably very difficult, even still, for him to "pull the plug"

Terry's blood family also suffered I am sure. They desperately wanted to hold on to hope Terry would somehow miracuously gain some level of herself. And when it comes down to it the reality of removing the feeding tube is literally starving / dehydrating a person to death. A desturbing thought at best. It must be a hard thing to have to watch your child go through that. Who knows if Terry was conscious of any of it. From what I understand, pretty much the only section of her brain that was functioning was those parts responsible for keeping her alive. She may not have known/felt a thing.... but who knows for sure.

One good thing has come of the circus created by the controversy. Many of my friends and co-workers are talking about it. There is dialog, discussion etc. AND folks are doing what they can to prevent their family from going through similar battles. Living wills are becoming the topic of the day.

Personally I do not have an official living will yet. Something I should not put off any longer. But until I draw one up, I am stating here and now. I have no desire to be put on a ventilator or artificial nourishment or any other artificial form of life support for more than a couple of days, if that.

To put this statement into perspective. I do not want to live past my usefulness. My life credo is to try and be a positive in this world; Over a sliding window in time, I want produce more than I consume. Period.

If I am sitting in a hospital bed, unable to communicate, think clearly or reason, I am doing little more than using up electricity. Pull the plug. If for some reason you want to wait for family to come say goodbye. Give em 48 hours perhaps but after that....

The following statements represent a very pragmatic view, I realize, and there certainly are other factors to be considered but a very basic belief I hold is that the human body, in all it's brilliance, was never intended to last as long as what now is inflicted upon us by modern medicine. Our bodies were designed with a predefined obsolescence, much like the automobiles Detroit put out in the 70s. We can pour money and effort into keeping the car running but at some point more goes into it than comes out. Natural order is intended to provide longevity of not just one species but the universe. By living beyond our natural lifespan, as a species, we are probably upsetting the natural balance. More resources consumed, higher population, more pollution....

I realize that with our historically new found longevity, persons are being productive much later in life. I do not mean to embarrass her but look at my Mom for an example. She is approaching another decade in life but, from my perspective, in the grand scheme, she still has a positive balance sheet. While she may require more from others for her health and well being, She still provides her kids and grandkids with sage advice and encouragement, She is active in her church, A role model for other, she volunteers on behalf of the deaf in Jordan.... My point is though her role in life has changed as she has aged, as she did as a young woman, she still does what she can to improve the world.

In contrast, my biggest fear is that I will inherit Grandma's longevity genes, Dad's stubbornness, Mom's hearing issues. My back will continue to deteriorate until I am wheelchair ridden. If my mental capacity continues to deteriorate at the present rate.... I am afraid I will be a crazy coot, scaring my grandkid, and the neighbor dogs, rolling around bumping in to things, Stubbornly refusing to take my meds, and because I can not hear anyone I'll get into arguments with myself about what size Depends I should wear....

The long and short of it is that this blog is not intended to discount/dismiss or otherwise dispute other folks personal views or decisions about their life or the life of their loved ones. Quite the opposite really. The point is everyone has a different perspective and belief base. These are simply mine. If I am somehow involved in the decision making when it comes to another's last days, I will do what I can within legal an moral bounds to abide by their wishes.

AND this is by no means intended to say old people or disabled people are worthless, let them die. "I" just do not want to live past my usefulness. "I" do not want my family to suffer, mentally or financially for that matter, should I become incapacitated.

(pleasant topic huh, sorry)