My little Girl

Over the past couple of months Michelle has got me on edge. It's not because of her all to frequent whining about got getting to sit in the front seat of the car or having to go to bed at her assigned time. It's not because of her constant jabbering on about... well, most of the time, nothing at all. It is not the fact that she believes household rules apply to her only when she agrees with them, like keeping all food in the kitchen, not the living room or your bedroom. It's not even the fact that cleaning her room means shoving all her stuff under her bed.

She has got me on edge because she has started to loose the 'little' in the phrase 'little girl'. The way she dresses, the way she talks, the way she rolls her eyes at me when I say something stupid.... Sometimes I look at her and think "geez, she is becoming one of those.... those... TEENAGERS." I know she is only 11 years old. And she is still rather small in stature even compared to her peers. But it is becoming harder to look at her as my 'little' girl.

This weekend pretty much sealed my fate as the father of a ... well almost a 'young woman'. Michelle has really been interested in earning money so she can buy this 'gotta have' gadget. Last summer she wanted to mow the lawn so she could earn the money. She bugged us and bugged us and bugged us. I eventually gave in, reluctantly and let her try (walking behind her the whole time). She just was not quite big enough or strong enough to manage the mower safely and that was fine by me. She disagreed and never let it go. A couple of weeks ago I promised she would get another chance this year. This weekend she did, and she did a decent job at it. Sure she still misses a few spots. That takes some practice. Heck I miss some spots. The point here is that my daughter can now mow the lawn, pretty much on her own.

Now Michelle is really not one to dress up. Occasionally she will put on a skirt or 'skort'. She does not dress like a slob mind you, not like the boys. She generally looks neat and clean, if not matching. But Michelle flat out refuses to wear a dress.

Elementary school graduation is comming up next week. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of thing but Karen and I still want Michelle to look nice when she crossed the stage. After all this is one of those times it is appropriate to dress up just a bit. After no small amount of discorse, Michelle begrudgingly agreed she would dress up 'a little' but still, flat out refused to wear a 'stinkin dress'. So Sunday afternoon, Karen, Michelle and I went to the mall for lunch and to find a graduation outfit. Michelle had something specific in mind but we were having a hard time finding what she wanted. While browsing around the department store I saw, what I will describe, as an 'Austin Powers' dress. By that I mean a 70's looking dress. It has big pink polka-dots and a brown background and belt. Michelle really likes the 'hippy look' so we played it up... to make a long story short. Michelle is agreed to wear it to graduation. She really looks nice in the dress. (sniff sniff)

THEN after the dress.... Long ago Karen and I agreed that Michelle would have to wait til she was 13 ish before she would get her ears pierced. I am officially stating, for the record, that I agreed to let her have it done but under protest' (I need to maintain my over bearing father image after all). So while I wondered around in the tool department at Sears (a place you might find an overbearring father), Karen took Michelle to the earring store where they assaulted my daughter with medieval torture devices. resulting in a whole in each ear lobe. I don't know what changed my/our mind. I guess we think she is mature enough to take care of them and... well they will look nice with the dress ;-)

Oh, While I'm on the topic, one more thing happened this weekend. Saturday, after Michelle's Soccer game, where she scored by the way, Karen ran into the mother of one of the boys in Michelle's class at school. I missed the conversation but apparently the youngster has a crush on MY daughter. We will just have to see about that!

Seriously, It did strike me a little this weekend that I / we are moving into a new era of parenting. For the past 20+ years, we have always had a young child to worry about and do for. Now our youngest is quickly approaching the age of... well, an obnoxious teenager. The boys all went through this, obviously. And they all presented different but equally frustrating behavioral challenges. But a teenage Girl! I have another year or two I know (hope) but with any luck, all the stories of the stereotypical teenage girl are all greatly exaggerated and Michelle will let me keep at least a few of already sparse active hair follicles on my head.

Just a quick update

I was successful this weekend, again, in not turning on my work computer. Slowly but surly I have been able to dial back and get out of the work work work mentality. Things are slowing down a bit at work. Much of our responsibilities have already begun to be shipped overseas; India and China. They are throwing some, what amounts to 'busy work' our way but it is generally accepted that the new work that has been promised us has little chance of being funded to any significant level, if at all. We basically are marking time until the layoffs come through. Again, for now, I am safe. I start my new position within Nortel at the end of the month.

Not too much going on at home. The kids are winding down their school years. Bob is already back. He is working at the Bulls. No luck on another part time job though. Kyle finished his training at "Cold Stone Creamery" and last night was his first real shift serving customers. Tyler is getting into the swing of things at Harris Teeter (grocery store). His biggest challenge at work is remember all of the produce codes etc. He complains that it is boring when they are not busy and is pretty much spent when he gets home but overall seems to be doing well. Michelle is all signed up for middle school. She has her elementary school graduation coming up....

Karen bowled a 201 on Thursday. Her season high score. Her and her mom came in first place for the fist half of the season. They are ... well... not doing as well the second half. Perhaps Karen's High score will help.

So, what is next?

What does it mean "to die"? I know, happy topic, but it's a question I have asked myself over the years, and in fact a question I have recently been asked to answer by one of my readers. I really first thought about this when my father died a few years back. And every so often, mostly after a family death, the question pops up again.

Certainly this is much to significant a topic to be covered in a short BLOG. But I have come to some conclusions about what I believe about death and life and will attempt to convey the gist of it.

What physically happens to you when you die is really not much under debate. In fact it is a personal choice what happens to your body. Cremation, burial etc.. But when your body is done, is that it?

In short, it is my belief that you die, they bury you and all that is left of you is what you may have left behind. The notion that a conscious soul rises to heaven or descends to hell just does not hold water with me. If I 'come back' as another being or object, it is only because my body contributed biologically or physically to the makeup of that organism or object.

BUT

I do believe every one has a soul that survives them... just perhaps not in the same way I was taught in Sunday school oh so many years ago.

First I have to define what is a 'sole'? A person's sole is the essence of that person; their belief's, their behaviors, their accomplishments, their defeats, their contributions and their liabilities. It is what make a person that specific person.

Again, I believe that once you are gone all that is left of you is what you leave behind; Not physical items so much as your influence. It is my belief, and honestly a basic element of my 'religion', that your soul will live on as defined by what influences you may have made in the lives of all those you have interacted with over your life time; Positive or negative.

A concrete, perhaps personal example would be fitting here to illustrate my point but as I am writing this I realize that my perception of any real person and their beliefs / actions will differ from others and I don't want that potential contradiction clouding my point. So for sake of illustration....

A man walks to work each day. He may not speak to a single person in route but passes many of the same people each day. One particular day, as he walks, he notices a burger wrapper on the sidewalk and, without thinking to much about it, reaches down to pick it up, places it in a trash bin and continues on his way. That same morning, a young girl, on her way to school notices a man picking up the trash she herself had just stepped over. The next day, on her way to school, the young girl picked up candy wrapper she saw on the street and threw it away.

The man had a positive influence on that young girl. This is a small example but that really is the point. A single large gesture or action, say donating $1000 to a local food bank, indeed can have a direct positive affect on large numbers of individuals but could go no further than a couple of meals for people in need. While a man picking up a piece of trash, theoretically, can grow exponentially. The girl's teacher may have seen her throw the candy wrapper away and praised her in front of her 5th grade class for doing so. Seven of those kids took it upon themselves to clean up the park that afternoon. The man walking his dog noticed that the park was clean and instead of throwing his Starbucks cup on the ground carried it back to his apartment and threw it in the trash there..... You just don't know.

Of course the example could easily have gone the other way. The man could have just stepped over the Burger wrapper on the sidewalk. The girl saw this and decided what is one more piece of trash and she subsequently threw her Pop-Tart wrapper down right next to it.....

What does this have to with a person's soul? That man's actions, in part, define his soul. And his actions influenced the actions of another. In effect, if that man was run down by a bus 2 blocks later, part of his soul will live on in that little girl.

Will that man be connonized for picking up the wrapper? Probably not. But those who knew him and interacted with him frequently also carries with them a part of his sole. The members of youth choir he directed will think of him fondly each Sunday as they sing the hymns he taught them. One of those students may go on to lead a youth choir and that mans sole will live on through those students. A high school football coach will see a player with strong work ethic and it will remind him of a similar player he coached 10 years ealier, who even then would pick up a gatorade cup and throw it away on the way back to the lockeroom. The grocery clerk who the man nods and smiles at each morning will, in a day or two notice the man has not passes. And realize he misses the kind gesture.

The man's soul is present in the lives of those he interacted with.

Pope John Paul II soul lives on through the many hundreds of thousands of Christians and non-Christians alike who his actions directly and indirectly influenced. Just as Adolph Hitler's soul does.

When it comes down to it no one knows what happens after death until it is to late (if then) so what really does it matter? In fact it does matter. Many religions seem to be based on living life in order to be prepared for the afterlife. I imagine this, like many aspects in modern and ancient religions, stem from human need to know that everything has a purpose, and that ultimately there are consequences for life's actions, good or bad. Everyone has to believe in something, if for no other reason than it provides a psychological crutch to help get through difficult times.

There you go, I just shared some of my soul with you.