Easter, if named by any other name would it smell as sweet?

Easter has come and gone. Say what you will about it's historical and religious significance but in our household, like probably every other recognized holiday or "Hallmark day", Easter is pretty much about family. Alas, Santa and Mr. Easter bunny, and are out of the bag, and even the tooth fairy is just a tooth-less grin on Michelle's face now. But still we carry on. The Easter bunny still brings us plastic eggs, recycled from last year of course, filled with jelly beans, M&Ms and coins. He still hides them about the house for the "children" to find. And on the same table where Santa's egg-nog and cookie are placed Christmas Eve, the Easter baskets sit waiting to be discovered Easter morning. Though the water guns and Beanie Babies have been replaced by ITunes gift cards and Movie passes, each basket contains a small gift tailored specifically for its intended recipient.

This tradition is not unique to our home, Mom did the same thing long past our age of belief and wonderment and I am certain she would still if we were likely to come. It happens all over, well, the in the US at least. It is a tradition, I am certain, aimed at bringing family back together; Away from the TV, computer, and Video games; Away from friends and the mall; Away from work and the Grocery store and other errands. Back together if not just for the 20 or 30 minutes it takes to flush out a several dozen colorful plastic eggs filled with a pound or so of chocolate, jelly beans and $8.83 in change.

The significance on our Holiday traditions seem to be, more and more, lost on the kids. At times our silly little traditions get in the way of their social life. Our kids are growing up and away from the the family identity and ideals, as kids tend to do. They are struggling to find their own identities and ideals. I get it.

But as the kids become adults and move away, these holiday traditions will become all that draws them back home, even if not physically in memories. As they start their own families, These traditions are designed to connect the generations and draw them together.

Beyond that, holidays are a time to recognize the selfishness we all tend to fall into; A time to recognize all that others do for us; A time to if not for just a day, give back to those around us who watches us perform your card tricks, listens to you practice your instruments and laugh at our stupid jokes. To give back to those who let us loose our temper and blow off steam without holding it against us; those who help us get back on the straight and narrow when we wonder; To be there for those who are there for us whenever, all we have to do is ask. To thanks those who tell us when we are being stupid, where other might not care enough to let us know.... Not just our parent, but also our siblings and our kids.

Committing this time to family traditions, perhaps even in the smallest of ways, gives back to the family. It strengthens us. It makes it just a little easier to perform all those "duties" for each other day in and day out. This family strength and stability will support and protect us in time of crisis and allow us to share in the joyous and significant events in each others lives.

It is not only the kids that can loose site in the purpose of these little events. As Karen struggles to keep these traditions alive and our family together, I have let the pressures of work, the stresses of parenthood and the tendency to cave in to children's pleads, deteriorate the significants of these holiday and importants of their traditions. My resolve has weigned over the years. Well, Easter is a time of reserection right?

These little holiday traditions may seem pointless and a burden to them now. They might just assume fling jello across the table at their brother or sistern than admit you care about them. Our home and family may seem more like a prison to then than a sanction but, while I am still able to exercise any parental control, if it comes to it, for not any other reason than because "I said so", we will continue to maintain that holidays and birthdays are reserved for family and our traditions.

So to all my family, local and extended
Love,
Peace,
(and rock and roll)
;-)

A weekend off

I took the weekend off from Nortel this past weekend and boy it was nice. Not to say I completely forgot about all the issues and other garbage going on at work, but I did not turn on/open my (laptop) computer from Friday evening until 8:30 this morning when I got to work.

I did work from home Thursday and Friday. Karen chaperoned two band trips so I stayed home with Michelle who is on her school intersession. It was nice to get out of the office PLUS I could watch the NCAA first round games at the same time.

Besides watching Basketball on TV (and listening it it on the Radio), this weekend involved the following.

Saturday I replaced the air pump and check valve on the Volvo. The check engine light came on just weeks after we bought the car last spring. Of course the car will not pass inspection with the check engine light on. AND the state inspection is due by the end of the month.... The Volvo dealer wanted $700+ to fix it. I bought the parts ($450) and replaced them in less than 2 hours. That was pretty satisfying.

Karen spent much of the afternoon shopping for Prom dresses with Melodie, Tyler's ... well... prom date. (Not sure what the whole story is there.) They found a really pretty Pink dress for less than $50. Melodie was thrilled. Karen had a good time as well. (Tyler managed to get out that little excursion.)

Saturday Night We had Dinner at the In-Laws. Bob was home and spent much of the evening with us as well. That was a treat.

Sunday morning, Karen Tyler, Michelle and I went and played Disc Golf. I managed to squeak out a win. One of my better games. Tyler did not do terrible, though if you ask him he did, But it was not his best game.

Sunday afternoon I got back to building Cabinets and such for the Band. I stared them weeks ago but have not been able to get back to them due to work. Karen wants her Garage back.

I got the Volvo state inspection done this morning on the way to work and well now here I sit.

Other than that there is not too much news.

Steroids

Just a quickie while my code compiles...

I am pretty sick of hearing about the steroid issue and major league baseball. In fact it is beginning Tick me off a bit.

WHY is there a special congressional committee holding hearing on steroids in baseball? How is this topic so important to the country as to tie up our law makers and the significant resources involved, never mind our tax dollars, to ask a bunch of million-air athletes if they use steroids?

Is the use of steroids not illegal? From what I can find on the web it appears it is. (see THIS LINK for more information). I realize not all web pages can be considered source of reliable source of information but for sake or argument lets make an assumption that non prescribed use of steroids is illegal. So the use is illegal. If someone is suspected of using an illegal drug then by golly law enforcement should investigate and, if warranted, arrest the offenders. Duh! I THINK the laws already cover this.

Why does Major league baseball garner this type of congressional attention. Is it a threat to our national security? Is it a threat to our commerce infrastructure? Does it threaten our National oil reserves? NO, at least not directly and to any great extent. No more than any other illegal activity of this magnitude.

If MLB wants to screen or not screen for steroids then that is their business. If law enforcement wants to screen for steroids then, assuming reasonable suspicion as define under current law enforcement practices, they can test! WHY does congress have any interest in this at all? Leave it to local or Federal law enforcement.

Then again...

I have heard on the radio (link to My favorite sports talk station) that MLB enjoys a special classification/exemption under Anti-trust laws that states, for some unknown reason, that MLB is not considered to be "interstate commerce". What the heck?!?! What could be more interstate commerce than a "NATIONAL" Baseball League? That issue is for anther day. BUT I can see how congress could manipulate MLB, much as they do public schools and intrastate highways. They can threaten to remove this special classification just as they hinge highway funding on a maximum speed limit and education funds on providing ESL classes. BUT baseball why?

The only argument I have heard to support the hoo-ha over the MLB steroid is because these professional athletes are role models for our national youth. Somehow the Steroid use of the nation's teens are the responsibility of Jose Canseko. There probably is some minor influence on our nation's teens but this should no longer be a law congressional level social issue than preventing Bill Clinton from going to McDonald's for a Big Mac because little Johnny is overweight. MAYBE a nice idea but not a national issue.

So in closing; A message to congress... GET BACK TO WORK!!!! If you really want to do something for our country, GET US OUT OF IRAQ!

Indecent

As a general statement I have never really been much into censorship, by governments anyway. "One man's pornography is another man's art" and all that.

I must be getting old or something but last night Karen and I were watching "My wife and kids". A show we usually watch and enjoy, and the boys enjoy. It is on at 8:00 PM, "Prime Time."

In this particular episode, discounting the numerous sexual references for now, and without getting into details, the parents in this show accidentally get high by consuming what is presumed to be marijuana. The subsequent behavior was not only grossly exaggerated but in fact is depicted as extraordinarily enjoyable and rewarding. The show is always on the edge, in my view, as sexually explicit without being graphic but on and some times over the edge non the less. This episode just fell over the edge.

Good adult humor, Sure, It depends on what you like I suppose. My problem is I really do not want my kids watching that kind of... for lack of a better term, social irresponsibility. Karen and I deleted it from our TIVO. As kids get older, particuarly 15-18. It is very difficult to restrict them from watching anything on TV. If it comes into our house, it is available to watch. And honestly for the most part at that age if we have not equipped them with the judgment to watch that kind of material and not draw inappropriate conclusions from it then well we have not done our jobs. We still attempt to prevent Michelle from watching sexually implicit/explicit or violent shows or shows that depict the use or implied use of drugs and the boys if it is, in our judgment over the top. But if she or the boys have their mind set on watching a specific show, say, Southpark, Short of standing over them every time the TV is on. There is little to be done to prevent them from doing so short of removing all the TVs from the house. (perhaps not such a bad idea).

I mentioned Prime Time TV. It use to be it was relatively "safe" to watch TV between 7:00AM and 10:00 PM. Not anymore. Sex, implied or otherwise is common place. Drugs too often become the focus of humor. Violence is dismissed, Homosexuality is featured prominently....

I sound like a prude. I know. And honestly it does not bother me (mostly) to watch these types of shows. If it did, of course I would turn it off. But my mind is as corrupt and polluted as it is gonna be by now. But how can parents reasonably be expected to prevent their kids from watching these types of shows. Not only has this stuff infiltrated daytime and primetime TV but due to technology, VCRs, TIVO and the internet, the shows are viewable anytime, anywhere by anyone.

I won't even touch on computer access and what is not only available but sent directly to the kids via E-mail or pop-ups....

Before anyone goes off. I know what this sounds like. It sounds like I, as a parent, am making TV and society in general responsible for raising my kids. It sounds like I want government censorship of anything not "pure and wholesome." This is not what I am saying. But I will admit I am asking for a little help.

Parents have to lay the ground work at an early age about what is acceptable behavior and what is not. What is morally right and morally wrong based on their beliefs. Before the time the kids are exposed to the realities of the world, whether that reality is scripted and produced or experienced in the school yard. A young child should be sheltered from most of the nonsense that goes on in adult life. They are generally not mentally equipped to comprehend or appropriately react to it.

BUT one can only shelter a child for only so long before it becomes a detriment. Sheltering a child past a certain point in life only prevents that child from knowing how to handle situations as they arise. It prevents them from being able to exercise the behaviors and moral values that hopefully were instilled to them by their parents. It will allow them to question and experience, with the support of parental guidance of course, so as to solidify, what was up till then, only told to them.


Society should provide reasonable boundaries for expected behavior; Not just through laws and regulations. But through a general social conciseness community awareness etc.. By providing good role models, By providing opportunities to be involved in the community in positive ways. By respectfully limiting (not necessarily eliminating) access to deviant or destructive materials... Here is where my problem lie. I do not want the like of Jerry Fallwell or Howard Stern, for example, to tell me what I can and cannot / should and shouldn't do, say, watch or think. They should have the ability to share their opinion certainly but not to unduly affect the governing laws or social fabric of my little universe.

Excluding the extreme, I do not want the FCC or congress legislating what is offensive or pornographic or otherwise appropriate for me or my children and eliminating all access to said content.

What I want are the tools to be able to censor the materials/ideas that flow into my household. V-chip, Parental Internet controls are good starts. But these fail in many ways. They fail either because they are too cumbersome to keep current and affective, to restrictive such that reasonable material is also blocked, or depend on content providers to honestly and consistently rate or classify their product.

For staters, what might make sense is for content providers to as a random sampling of adults (parents in particular), and ask them "would you feel comfortable letting your 10 yr old daughter (or son) watch this?". If the answer is NO then make reasonable effort through existing technology or transmission restrictions to permit parents the ability to make the decisions if it is appropriate for their child to view.

I don't have the answers, Just the concern

Philosophy

This is a quick. I have work to do.

A parent's role:

1) assure the physical and mental health of the children
2) prepare the child to be a morally ground productive citizens as an adult
3) equip the child with knowledge and experiences that will provide them as adult, as many opportunities and choices as possible. Career, sociological, financial etc.

The first 2 priorities are generally performed on a day to day basis through love, attention, nurturing and living as a role model. I can't see any way around it.

The third priority is tricky.

In short I believe a parent should "push" each child to the best of their abilities. Not just in sports or Academically but in every thing they do day in and day out. Even cleaning the toilet. Expect the child to do his/her best. Expect less and you will get less. Does this mean every child should be expected to get straight A's in school? No. Does this mean every child should be a star player on the soccer or football team no. But it does mean that if a child has chosen a sport or activity, the parents should expect that child to do the best they can. You might say who cares, it is a recreational league, for fun. Kids need down time. Granted. But If it is worth doing at all it is worth doing as well as you can, or at least trying. This attitude is a learned behavior in my book. It build character, attention to detail, respect for others abilities... AND I cannot think of any activity that is not more fun/enjoyable the better you get. Should the kid stress out if they cannot throw a Frisbee 100 yards. No. Are they trying? Yes? Cool. A success.

Another example. My kids, traditionally are not strong in English for instance. Sometimes they do not have A's. Do I ground them or take away computer if they come home with a 'D'. Maybe. If I know they did the best they could I really cannot get too excited but I can try to remove obstacles (like a computer) that may prevent them from doing better.

Why is all of this important? Well a child or teenager rarely knows exactly what they want to pursue as an adult. They generally have talents and interest that they just have not discovered yet. Some opportunities or vocations have not even been discovered yet. So a child may say. I do not plan on being a soccer star so why should I work so hard at it? Well ya never know. I don't have interest in going to a to college, why should I take challenging classes.... To do less than your best, in affect, closes doors in the future. Doors that you may not now know even exist. It's a hard thing for most kids to understand.

Hello Again

Long time no hear I know. Life has gotten away from me in so many ways of late. No time to go into great detail right now but here is a brief overview of happenings:

Me: I am basically half nuts by now. I have been working crazy hours. Literally 18 hours a day on average, through the weekends, through some nights.... There are a lot of pressures at work, deadlines etc. But more than that Nortel is going through another round of significant layoffs. Particuarly in Raleigh. I, at this point am unprepared to be out of a job. I need to get a resume together. I have one but just a skeleton really. I need to start looking around, building a network of contacts etc. Something that withers when you have been employed for 11+ years at one place. This is the first time in the many layoffs over the years that I have successfully dodges that I feel significantly threatened. I guess I have let work take over so much of my life in an attempt to keep off the top of the layoff list. Unfortunately we are at the point It does not really seem to make a difference how good you are.... Anyway I have 2 issues that I have made commitments to that I will get done (for myself as much as anything). I am working as hard as I can to get those done but after that I am going to dial back significantly. Thing have gotten out of control. If a customer has an outage that is one thing. But no more round the clock shifts for internal "priority" issues.

Karen: Has been very good about the hours I am working, she is picking up my slack where she can around the house. Very stressful for her. As I think I mentioned before, she had some heart tests done. She was having irregular heart beats etc. From all professional accounts they are really nothing to worry about. But they are annoying. Karen has always been good about exercising and eating right, she limits caffeine and can be satisfied with a small desert where many of us would go for the triple size. Even still she is cutting back on tea etc with the hope it will reduce the occurrences. As it turns out the largest contributing factor appears to be stress. And I ain't helping her any. She is a strong woman. It took me too long in our marriage to appreciate and understand her strengths and virtues. It is too easy some times to see and dwell on a person's weaknesses or at least perceived weaknesses. Let see, I am 42, have been married for 20+ years and am just learning what it means to be in and appreciate close personal relationship. Another area I need to spend some time strengthening. I love ya Karen. I will be back with you soon, maybe without a job but we will get through that as well.

Bob: Is doing well at ECU. Getting good grades. We signed a lease on a house for next year for him and 2 friends to live off campus in. He had a really sweet, on campus, job lined up after the Christmas break. The job was such that he had to quit his job at the Apple store in the mall (non compete clause or something). The new job was a set salary and would have paid him throughout the year (even through summer). The job entailed basically being the Apple Computer rep on campus. Helping professors and students with questions, demo-ing software, planning Apple-centric events on campus etc... Well, 3 weeks into his job, he was laid off. Funding cuts. That left him with NO job. He is working on lining something up for the summer however.

Tyler: We are really proud of Tyler. He has always been a good student. Maybe 1 C in his whole school career. (English, what can I say). This year particuarly he has kicked it up a notch. He is taking high level courses and getting all but straight A's... Even in English! He has figured out the true meaning / purpose of studying. (something lost on most kids, even in college) He studies in ordered to be prepared to learn. Think about that. A different thing than studying to learn / catch-up / reinforce what has already been taught. I don't know where this insight came from. I just wish I had it oh so many years ago. Anyway, he is doing well in Band. The Jazz band swept the UNC State Jazz festival a few weeks back. They also opened for Maynard Ferguson and received high praise from him. (Very exciting for Ty and me.) He has a paying 'gig' coming up as well.

Tyler recently got a job. He has not officially started or even been hired. He has to go through some aptitude test and drug screening before officially being offered the job. But that should not be an issue. He decided after marching band season that he wanted to get a job. And he wanted a job at "Harris Teeter" (regional grocery store chain). He did not apply anywhere else. After a couple of months, (and some prodding from one of his friends that work there) he finally got the call. We will let you know how that goes.

Kyle: He seems to have started to figured out the High School thing. There were some rocky grades the first couple of quarters. We shall see how his third quarter grades are but from what we can tell they look to be pretty good. He also has high academic goals and is starting to see what it will take to meet them. Early this Winter Kyle decided he wanted to make the H'S golf team. His grandparents agreed to pay for some lessons with a pro to see if he had any potential or aptitude in the game. The initial agreement was for 3 lessons. Kyle basically blew everyone away with his innate skill and his work ethic and drive to learn the game. Specially considering the closest he ever came to golf previously was a putt-putt course in Emeral Isle. Ultimately he did not quite make the team. A lofty goal after only 6 weeks of practice. He has not let it discourage him and he spends hours working on his swing. Kyle challenges our parenting skills/patience at times, specially recently. It's a learning experience all around. I won't go into details but we are working through things with him.

Michelle: What is this thing called a "GIRL" and where did it come from? When she was a toddler Karen would dress her up in frilly little dresses and that was my little girl. But as all kids grow they never want to wear what you want them to wear, and as parents we pick our battles right. Anyway the little girl disappeared and was replaced by a child. As different from the boys as the boys differed from each other. She was a kid. Tomorrow she turns 11. What is on her birthday list? A purse?!?!! Jewelry?!?!?! what is all that. Dad, watch out. She is doing fine in school generally. She too is in the "advanced classes". She recently has had some issues in math particuarly. Kinda hard to figure out because when you go over it with her, most times she knows what to do. But she will get low grades on quizzes and such. I had a conference with her teacher last week. She is as baffled as we are. She starts her spring intersession next week. We will do some math practice while she is off.

Michelle has taken up the saxophone. Grandma gave her some lessons for Christmas. And she has taken to it really well. She has learned to read the notes well and has really impressed her teacher. She is still trying to figure out how to be consistent with her tone and such. When she has it right, her tone is as good as many high school kids. But on occation we hear the typical beginning saxophone "honk". Tyler and Kyle have been great about helping her learn different parts of music. Kids tend to be rather self centric, specially teen agers. It's kinda neat when they slip up and help on another. Anyway Michelle played her saxophone in front of the girl scout troop and the parents. We were proud of her for having that courage, specially after only 6 weeks of even owning the horn. She was disappointed in her performance. While Karen and I have heard her play better, she did fine and we received many unsolicited comments from the other parents about how well she was doing.