You'll never walk alone.

When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark,
At the end of the storm is a golden sky.
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown,
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone

Bob had some lyrics on his IM away message from "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" that reminded me of this song. I searched the web and found "You'll never walk along" and listened to it. When I was in school this song meant a lot to me. It helped me through some tough times then. The song still creates a lump in my throat when I hear it.

The song was some what of an anthem for the James Madison Marching Royal Dukes. We played it at the end of every practice and game. No one had the sheet music, you just picked it up over time. I did not know the lyrics to the song until on a particularly blue day for me, I heard it on the radio. I sat there a cried.

Christians have adopted this song as an anthem. They adopt the meaning to be that you never walk along because Jesus is always by your side. While it may not be Jesus walking with me, The combined "spirit" of those around me and all I known is always there to draw upon.

In trying times it is hard to consider anything but the burden at hand. The people you love and those who love you can be lost in your mind, All goals, dreams and aspirations become unreachable. For me, the lyrics are a reminder that as bad as things seem, the storm will end; I will survive to battle again, whatever life has to throw at me.

Gotta do the Sudoku

A month or so ago is when I first heard of Sudoku. My mother-in-law apparently had found an on line source for free Sudoku puzzles (www.websudoku.com/). She printed out a couple and gave them to Karen to try. Karen enjoyed the puzzles and introduced them to the rest of us. Tyler, in particular, loves puzzles and logic problems. He did a few but it did not hold his interest. I on the other hand, have found them quite addicting.

A couple of weeks after our first encounter with Sudoku, the Raleigh news paper, The Raleigh News and Observer, started running daily Sudoku puzzles. I would run out and get the paper, make a quick copy for Karen and I, then I work the puzzle while eating breakfast. I had to stop that practice because It keeps me from getting Michelle and I out the door in a timely fashion on school mornings. But Karen still makes copies a couple of times a week from the paper. And I pull one up now and then when I need a break at work.

Like most any puzzle, Sudoku comes in various challenge levels. The easy Sudoku require some logic and patience but I can generally finish one in 10ish minutes.

medium puzzles can take me 30+ minutes. While I have I completed one or two of the "hard" level puzzles, I have this one puzzle printed out at home that I have restarted at least 10 times due to errors. Once an error is found it is darn near impossible to correct it without completely starting over. The problem is once you figure you have a number placed correctly, it influences where other numbers can be placed. Those, in turn influence other numbers.... It is maddening.

When I indicated I found the puzzles addicting. I did not mean it in a literal sense. But it did make me think. Why do folks put themselves through such torture? There are endless stories in the papers or on the internet of people who get obsessed with doing crosswords, playing computer games etc.. It is a pretty well documented phenomena in our culture. Can puzzles and games be truly addicting?

First let me preface my theories with "I have no background in psychology." My thoughts are really based on observations made over the years and applying logic, perhaps flawed logic, but my logic, to these observations.

You can debate about how much physiology vs. psychology influences additive behavior. Without any statistics, or years of schooling to base it on, it is my contention that addiction is not a disease but a learned behavior. With that said, I do agree that physiology does play a role in addiction in as much all human functions do. I support the idea that certain physiological conditions, inherited or developed, can pre-dispose an individual to addictive behavior. But I believe all but the most psychotic addictions are learned.

I guess I should backup and define what "addiction" is, at least for the sake of this discussion. Generally speaking, an addiction is a condition where a consistent desire or perceived need for specific external stimuli becomes paramount in the mind of the afflicted, overriding what is considered to be normal or healthy behavior. The "normal or healthy behavior, I understand, is rather grey and subjective at best. But we gotta have a yardstick somewhere right?

Now I realize there are chemical addictions. These are real physical/physiological addictions where the body's chemistry is altered significantly by the consistent exposure to alcohol, drugs, tobacco etc.. It is conceivable to me that even non-chemical related behaviors can, overtime, result in body chemistry changes or imbalances. With that said, I am going to discount, or at least ignore these types of addictions for this discussion because it is my contention that it was the physiological addition or repeated behavior that lead to the chemical addiction conditions.

So addiction, in context of this discussion, is a learned behavior.

You take a drink for the first time, maybe out peer pressure, maybe out of curiosity.... What ever the reason, assuming it was a pleasurable experience on some level, socially, physically or both, you are likely to repeat the action at some point. The consistent positive experience becomes associated with a specific action or behavior. The stronger this association becomes the more likely you are to repeat the behavior. At what point does cycle this become an addiction? I am stepping way outside my area here but it becomes an addiction when the behavior becomes a persons primary form of positive stimuli. Even still, except for the most psychotic of cases, it is a individual conscious decision to continue the behavior and ignore what ever the consequences may be.

It is Natural, even vital, that people, animals and plants for that matter, tend to migrate toward the positive and away from the negative. This fact is key to the survival of any species. Just look at reproduction.

Before I get to far down this slippery slope, lets get back to puzzle addition. As I stated I enjoy these puzzles but am not in any way addicted to them. "I can quit any time I want". But I do gain a positive feeling when I complete a Sudoki puzzle. Even the eazy puzzles. Like most types of puzzles, Sudoku are designed to make you look at things from different viewpoints. It combines simple logic and 3 dimentional thinking. I am guessing my pleasure in completing a Sudoku comes from my desire and enjoyment of "feeling smart". Completing the puzzles, even the easy ones, reinforce that feeling. Perhaps I have self esteem issues but that is an issue for another day ;-)

Most anything can become subject of an addiction, or obsession, (There is a difference there I am sure but I won't take the time to investigate that here) Food, Drugs, sports, puzzles, work. Anything that has a positive physical or psychological affect on an individual can be addictive. If I were to, in completely overly simply terms, prescribe a prevention for addictive behavior, I would say that a balanced lifestyle is key; A lifestyle where positive feelings, physical and emotional, come from a variety of sources (I am not making a case for polygamy here honest) and no one activity dominates as source of positive stimuli for extended periods of time.

Ok enough with the armchair physiologist.

Other free internet puzzle sites:
http://www.free-online-word-search-puzzles.com/

A couple of interesting articles on addiction. I found after writing most of the above ramblings:
http://www.bbsonline.org/Preprints/OldArchive/bbs.heyman.html
http://motivationalinterview.org/clinical/motmodel.html

Update from Durham

Time flies between blogs. I have a reasonably good excuse this time however, for some of the days at least.

Normally I blog when I get in the office, while I run a virus scan or Spybot/Adware scan or defrag my disk or compress/backup my mailboxes. The past couple of weeks I have been trying...TRYING to do some sort of exersize semi reguarly. I find the mornings the best time to do it.

So I went to the pool a couple of days before work. I can't say I really swim that much but at least I am moving constantly in the water. Movement is always good and the water can provide resistance, which gives be more bang for the buck as far as time spent and physical effort. And it is low impact so I don't jar by back or knees or ankles. It's getting a little cool in the mornings however and the pool closes in a week or two so I will have to figure somthing else out.

I also have cycled into work a few times. The first day I did it I did not have any real trouble but it did seem a bit daunting climbing some of the low grade but long streaches of inclines. I bring a change of close and towel and such and shower at work. I road the bus back home that day. It was the plan actually, to see how it would go. The bus has a bike rack so I rode to the bus center, ploped the bike on the bike rack, rode < 20 min then plucked the bike off the rack and rode home. all in all about a 35 minute trip. The next time I rode the bike, Tuesday, this week, I rode it both to and from the office. The trip did not seem as strenuous as the first day. Could be because I had an MP3 player in my ear this time. That helped pass the time, and I rode a different bike; one with street tires instead of the nobby trail tires. My thought was less road resistance. Maybe my body was just better prepaired. Who knows. Anyway the trip, as I travel it, is 7.5 miles one way. There are more direct routes to Nortel from my house, It is about 5.5 miles by car, but there are no bike paths or bike friendly roads the route I would normaly go so I take a more cirquitous route.

Anyway I decided to try exercising again, not so much to loose weight, that is always a struggle for me no matter how much exercise I get. I more just feel better and, more importantly, am in a better mood most days, if I do somthing physical. And I am trying to not be as much of a "pill" (as grandma use to say) lately.

As far as the rest of the family goes:
Michelle has almost completed the first nine weeks of school and will be off for three weeks starting September 19th. From what we can tell from progress reports etc she is doing well this year, as always. She is a little frustraited with the band director. I don't blame her honestly, here we are almost at the end of the first quarter and all the further they have come, litterally, is learn to play "Mary Had a Little Lamb". But that is a BLOG for another day I suppose.

Michelle's soccer season officially starts this Sunday. The team played three friendly games a couple weekends ago. They really did not even get a practice in before those games. They did OK. It was a good warmup to get everyone back into the soccer state of mind before the season started up. Michelle scored 3 goals in those friendlies. The team won 2 of the 3 games.

Kyle has been busy with Drumline mostly. He is one of the better players but struggles a bit putting it together with marching. He said he is starting to get it. And in fact he did fine at the first footbal came 2 weeks ago.

Kyle has worked at Coldstone Creamery this past summer. It is an icecream franchise not to far from the house. He seemed to enjoy it but this past week he was offered a job a "Moe's Southwestern Grill". So he gave his 2 week notice a Coldstone. He has a friend who works at Moe's that reccomended Kyle for the job. It's probably a little more money and maybe better hours. That is the hope anyway.

Other than thay, Kyle has gotten back into the school mode without issue. The school had some issues but that too is probably a BLOG for another day. He is taking Band, Civics, Computer Graphics, and... um... I THINK physics. Next semester he is scheduled to take PE, English, Band and Integrated Math. Again, I am not 100% positive. I am sure he will correct me if I got it wrong.

Tyler is busy busy busy. The marching band duties; VP, Uniform Crew, Squad Leader etc. consumes much of his time. He is still working at Harris Teeter, and is also doing field maintenance for the local soccer association. He is also still dating Melodie. We don't see as much of her lately because she is also busy with work and school etc.. Tyler is taking AP Physics, AP Psychology, Band, Spanish and Calculous (AP?) this semester. I am not sure what he is scheduled for next semester. I assume Band, Calculous, Physics and Psycology. It seems like I am missing somthing. I am sure someone will let me know.

Bob is back at ECU. He decided to not take the News editng job. He decided school was more important and while he probably could have pulled it off, it would have been a push. He is still looking for work in Greenville. He turned 21 last month. Karen and I managed to get him there alive. That's half the battle these days. I am sure Bob told me his class schedule but honestly I do not remember what it was and cant find it in e-mail etc. Oh well maybe he will also correct/augment my efforts here.

Karen has been busy getting everyone in the school mode, keeping everyone organized and well fed. Things get crazy with everyone going different directions every day. Her Bowling has started up again. She is the treasurer this year. That requires a little extra paper work each week. She also does the treasurer duties for Michelle's Girl Scout troop, not to mention the family. She has been helping Tyler with the soccer fields (as have I), getting them ready for the first games this weekend.

In a nutshell that is the latest.