It's not as easy as black and white
I started this BLOG back in September. It quickly grew out of hand so I stopped. Since then I became busy, traveling and such... anyway I never got back to it. I started again the other day and just could not figure out how to bring it all together. It was going in too many different directions. I am making one final attempt. If the final version is a bit unfocused ... well now you know why. But if I don't get this out I cannot move on to another topic. It's just the way I am I guess....
Say what you want about Dr. Phil (TV Pchycologist) but his shows do talk about some interesting topics. I don't make a habit of watching the show, it comes on when I am usually at the office. When I work from home I like to have the TV on for background noise. Yesterday I worked from home. And his show came on after the news.
The topic of the day was racism. I did not watch the whole thing. I had to turn it off because I found myself watching it instead of working. But one victim... I mean guest ;-) on the show was a self confessed white supremacist/racist; The issue he had was that his daughter was pregnant, due any minute by the way, and the baby's father was black. I have no clue why anyone would go on a show like that. You could not pay me enough but, his stated reason was that he wanted to change his ways in order to re-establish a relationship with his estranged daughter.
One of the next guests was a black man. His "friends" brought him on the show because he was too "white"; He is a conservative republican, who speaks in proper English, with out an infusion of slang, and with no perceivable accent. And to top it off is a NASCAR fan "can you get any whiter than that?"
Dr. Phil's first guess stated he knew, logically, that his racist beliefs were unjust, but continued to practice his racism. His defense was that this was how he was brought up, how his parents and family taught him.
Kind of an aside note here but I remember one very specific instance, when I was very young. It was Christmas and the extended family had gathered at Grandma Houchens' house on Cedar Street, as was the tradition. My brother and I spent most of our time at these events playing in "the fort" under the dining room table in order to avoid, I am sure, the hugs and muffing of the hair that adults insisted on inflicting on us.
The rooms often became segregated; men and women, as is usual even today. The men were talking sports and the women... Well I am not sure what they talked about. But I remember very distinctly one relative, I won't name him, making the statement that "the Redskins would do much better if they got rid of all the niggers". As I said, I was very young, probably less than 6 years old, but even still I remember thinking, that is the stupidest thing I had ever heard.
Dr. Phil's show focused on racism, just one form of prejudice. One that has gotten renewed attention since Katrina. But prejudice comes in many forms.
I know I carry certain prejudices. I imagine most of which I am not even aware of. When I catch myself I am embarrassed and feel shame. What does that mean? Either I am schizophrenic or It means my prejudicial feelings/thoughts are not there by choice. Are they instinctive?? No, these thought/feelings are learned, there is nothing instinctive or genetic about them as far as I know. But I have little if any cognitive control over them, at least not at any given instance. I do have control, however, of what I do with or how I react to those emotions and thoughts.
Everyone, I believe, has some level of prejudice. I try to check my prejudice when ever possible and specially try to not pass on to my children. My parents and family was no different. When I was growing up, my parents did their best to keep their prejudices in check, and to not pass them on to us, their children.
Prejudice can be learned, specially at a young age through the example of others; Parents, friends, Television, etc.. But it occurs to me that prejudice is probably born as much from ignorance as example. You might be saying that that is an obvious statement but hear me out.
I grew up in white suburbia, outside of Washington DC. Even when my parents divorces and my mom, brother and I moved into a less than desirable apartment complex in Northern Virginia, I honestly do not remember any minority families in the neighborhood. The schools I attended were probably 95% white. Was it a coincidence we lived in these predominantly white areas of town? Was it simply economic segregation? Regardless, there was segregation and as a result, And whether or not it was ever spoken, it was a "us and them" environment.
Because I, as a child never interacted with many minority peers, I was ignorant of who and what these people were. Because I had limited personal experience, I had to depend primarily on TV, my friends to draw my conclusions about the dark skinned, almond eyed or Spanish speaking elements of humanity.
The high school I attended was a big football school. Our Arch rival was T.C. Williams. A predominantly and historically black school. Our football games with T.C. Williams were played on Saturday afternoons, as were many of their football games in order to minimize the risk of violence. Right or wrong, how can that not plant a seed of prejudice in a teenager's mind.
I live in Durham NC now. The county wide racial mix is 50% white, 40% black, 8% Hispanic. The city demographics black/white ratio is closer to 1:1. (source http://www.durhamchamber.org/living/popchar.html)
The elementary school the kids attended was racially mixed. I think it was pretty close to a 50/50 white/minority mix when we moved down here. Things have shifted significantly since then. Last year Pearsontown Elementary School's White enrolment was only 13.8%.
But when it came time to High School, and I swore I would not be one of those parents, we opted to send our kids to an out of district school. The in-district school, Hillside HS was a brand new HS when we moved here, but it got it's name from the old Hillside HS; A historically and traditionally black school. And, apparently, the black community wants to keep it that way. (Do a quick google search on the Durham School board meetings and you will see what I mean). When it came time to sign Bob up for High School, we talked with some of our neighbors, white neighbors, who's kids attended Hillside, they told us their kids were not welcome. We heard stories of harassment and such. And many pulled their kids out and sent them to other schools. These children were not accepted at best. Put on top of that the fact that this school has some of the lowest academic scores in the Durham School system. My ideologies went out the window. We transferred the kids to Jordan HS. A more racially balanced school, yes, but more importantly, a higher academically achieving school.
What does it tell our children? We can tell them we wanted them to get the best education they could get. We can tell them we did not want them being exposed to the racial tension present in the school. But The long and short of it is that race played more than a small role in our decision.
What strikes me about the Black / White issues in Durham is that, from my "white" perspective anyway, most of the prejudice and race issues are instigated or at best flamed on by the black community. I have no doubt there are still plenty of instances of white racist remarks or actions in the community. I have no doubt blacks in the community experience discrimination based on the color of their skin. But most of the time I hear the "racist card" being played it is being used to mask or distract from bad behavior or poor judgment on the part of a black person or group.
Much of the black community, in Durham anyway, does it's best to preserve it's black heritage and traditions, Just as the Jewish communities and Hispanic communities do. Society is comprised of people of many different races, ethnic, religious, and political affiliations. The problem, in my mind is that preserving the heritage or tradition or institutions of one particular group in public policy, at some point, crosses the line into discrimination. Hillside High school is an example of what I mean. Why maintain a traditionally black school, with the baggage of all the socio-economic implications of the past and present, at the expense of the quality of education of the children involved? I do not know why Hillside High School has such low test scores. I do not know why the drop-out rate is higher than most of the other schools in the system. I suspect it is because the rather vocal black community makes it very difficult to institute any changes in the school that could "jeopardize the school's black heritage". The community forced out a white principal in order to place a black principal for example. This may be a bit unfair but it seems like the parents don't want their children to forget that they are black. I don't know, maybe they are afraid that if there is an infusion of students or administrators who do not share the same culture, that their children will loose touch with their heritage. Maybe the will start acting "white" as in the second guest on Dr. Phil's show. Do they not want their kids exposed to white kids? This sounds like we are back in the 50's again.
I cannot help feeling that the very culture they are struggling to maintain is what is keeping their children from achieving higher academic and social/economic goals.
Traditionally/historically the black community has been labeled as not able to achieve the same levels academically as their peers in the white community. With the preservation of the black heritage/culture in the schools, this prejudicial standard of performance is also maintained, not only in what may be expected of the students by teachers and administration but what the student has learned to expect in themselves. Segregate these kids from other races and cultures, not only are they loosing out on that experience but they perhaps limit the academic competition to the pool of students that historically have lower achievement levels. It lowers the bar so to speak.
Secondly, a key element in succeeding economically and socially, outside the cultural boundaries, is some level of assimilation. If I were to go into a prodomenantly black, intercity school wearing a shirt and tie and try and talk to a room full of teenagers about drug abuse. They are no more going to listen to me or respect me than if a Inner-city black addressed a Corporate board of directors or Senate sub-committee using the "gangsta" slang or hip-hop cultural dialects of the streets, wearing baggy shorts that hang precariously 6 inches below the waistband of their boxer shorts. There are language standards, grammar, sentence structure, common vocabulary etc., for a reason. Not to suppress freedom of expression or suppress a persons heritage or culture, but so people can communicate with each other with a reasonable level of common understanding. That does not mean you cannot celebrate/remember or exercise your culture / traditions etc. But to be what is considered socially and economically successful in the larger society you need to talk the talk and walk the walk.
Social standards are not static. They change over time. Some words or phrases previously considered street slang have been accepted as common, and correct in today's society. Heck, I wear jeans to work most days. It was not too long ago that corporate America work shirt and tie, to do otherwise was career limiting.
To try and tie all of this together; What I am attempting to illustrate is that prejudice is born primarily from ignorance. Segregation and separation from other races and culture promotes ignorance. The black community, at least a significant portion here in Durham, seem to be promoting the separation of their children from the white community. If not physically, socially. Celebrating/practicing individuality and Black culture, or any culture, is fine. But if practiced in such a way to alienate those around you who are not of that culture or faith sets an individual or group of individuals apart.... breading separation, which breeds ignorance, which breads prejudice.
Should everyone act the same; act "white"? No individuals or groups of individuals who purposely segregate them selves physically or culturally from those they interact with, in effect, are constructing barriers and hurdles that must be overcome before any real progress can be made, in whatever the endeavor, academic, economic or social
Say what you want about Dr. Phil (TV Pchycologist) but his shows do talk about some interesting topics. I don't make a habit of watching the show, it comes on when I am usually at the office. When I work from home I like to have the TV on for background noise. Yesterday I worked from home. And his show came on after the news.
The topic of the day was racism. I did not watch the whole thing. I had to turn it off because I found myself watching it instead of working. But one victim... I mean guest ;-) on the show was a self confessed white supremacist/racist; The issue he had was that his daughter was pregnant, due any minute by the way, and the baby's father was black. I have no clue why anyone would go on a show like that. You could not pay me enough but, his stated reason was that he wanted to change his ways in order to re-establish a relationship with his estranged daughter.
One of the next guests was a black man. His "friends" brought him on the show because he was too "white"; He is a conservative republican, who speaks in proper English, with out an infusion of slang, and with no perceivable accent. And to top it off is a NASCAR fan "can you get any whiter than that?"
Dr. Phil's first guess stated he knew, logically, that his racist beliefs were unjust, but continued to practice his racism. His defense was that this was how he was brought up, how his parents and family taught him.
Kind of an aside note here but I remember one very specific instance, when I was very young. It was Christmas and the extended family had gathered at Grandma Houchens' house on Cedar Street, as was the tradition. My brother and I spent most of our time at these events playing in "the fort" under the dining room table in order to avoid, I am sure, the hugs and muffing of the hair that adults insisted on inflicting on us.
The rooms often became segregated; men and women, as is usual even today. The men were talking sports and the women... Well I am not sure what they talked about. But I remember very distinctly one relative, I won't name him, making the statement that "the Redskins would do much better if they got rid of all the niggers". As I said, I was very young, probably less than 6 years old, but even still I remember thinking, that is the stupidest thing I had ever heard.
Dr. Phil's show focused on racism, just one form of prejudice. One that has gotten renewed attention since Katrina. But prejudice comes in many forms.
I know I carry certain prejudices. I imagine most of which I am not even aware of. When I catch myself I am embarrassed and feel shame. What does that mean? Either I am schizophrenic or It means my prejudicial feelings/thoughts are not there by choice. Are they instinctive?? No, these thought/feelings are learned, there is nothing instinctive or genetic about them as far as I know. But I have little if any cognitive control over them, at least not at any given instance. I do have control, however, of what I do with or how I react to those emotions and thoughts.
Everyone, I believe, has some level of prejudice. I try to check my prejudice when ever possible and specially try to not pass on to my children. My parents and family was no different. When I was growing up, my parents did their best to keep their prejudices in check, and to not pass them on to us, their children.
Prejudice can be learned, specially at a young age through the example of others; Parents, friends, Television, etc.. But it occurs to me that prejudice is probably born as much from ignorance as example. You might be saying that that is an obvious statement but hear me out.
I grew up in white suburbia, outside of Washington DC. Even when my parents divorces and my mom, brother and I moved into a less than desirable apartment complex in Northern Virginia, I honestly do not remember any minority families in the neighborhood. The schools I attended were probably 95% white. Was it a coincidence we lived in these predominantly white areas of town? Was it simply economic segregation? Regardless, there was segregation and as a result, And whether or not it was ever spoken, it was a "us and them" environment.
Because I, as a child never interacted with many minority peers, I was ignorant of who and what these people were. Because I had limited personal experience, I had to depend primarily on TV, my friends to draw my conclusions about the dark skinned, almond eyed or Spanish speaking elements of humanity.
The high school I attended was a big football school. Our Arch rival was T.C. Williams. A predominantly and historically black school. Our football games with T.C. Williams were played on Saturday afternoons, as were many of their football games in order to minimize the risk of violence. Right or wrong, how can that not plant a seed of prejudice in a teenager's mind.
I live in Durham NC now. The county wide racial mix is 50% white, 40% black, 8% Hispanic. The city demographics black/white ratio is closer to 1:1. (source http://www.durhamchamber.org/living/popchar.html)
The elementary school the kids attended was racially mixed. I think it was pretty close to a 50/50 white/minority mix when we moved down here. Things have shifted significantly since then. Last year Pearsontown Elementary School's White enrolment was only 13.8%.
But when it came time to High School, and I swore I would not be one of those parents, we opted to send our kids to an out of district school. The in-district school, Hillside HS was a brand new HS when we moved here, but it got it's name from the old Hillside HS; A historically and traditionally black school. And, apparently, the black community wants to keep it that way. (Do a quick google search on the Durham School board meetings and you will see what I mean). When it came time to sign Bob up for High School, we talked with some of our neighbors, white neighbors, who's kids attended Hillside, they told us their kids were not welcome. We heard stories of harassment and such. And many pulled their kids out and sent them to other schools. These children were not accepted at best. Put on top of that the fact that this school has some of the lowest academic scores in the Durham School system. My ideologies went out the window. We transferred the kids to Jordan HS. A more racially balanced school, yes, but more importantly, a higher academically achieving school.
What does it tell our children? We can tell them we wanted them to get the best education they could get. We can tell them we did not want them being exposed to the racial tension present in the school. But The long and short of it is that race played more than a small role in our decision.
What strikes me about the Black / White issues in Durham is that, from my "white" perspective anyway, most of the prejudice and race issues are instigated or at best flamed on by the black community. I have no doubt there are still plenty of instances of white racist remarks or actions in the community. I have no doubt blacks in the community experience discrimination based on the color of their skin. But most of the time I hear the "racist card" being played it is being used to mask or distract from bad behavior or poor judgment on the part of a black person or group.
Much of the black community, in Durham anyway, does it's best to preserve it's black heritage and traditions, Just as the Jewish communities and Hispanic communities do. Society is comprised of people of many different races, ethnic, religious, and political affiliations. The problem, in my mind is that preserving the heritage or tradition or institutions of one particular group in public policy, at some point, crosses the line into discrimination. Hillside High school is an example of what I mean. Why maintain a traditionally black school, with the baggage of all the socio-economic implications of the past and present, at the expense of the quality of education of the children involved? I do not know why Hillside High School has such low test scores. I do not know why the drop-out rate is higher than most of the other schools in the system. I suspect it is because the rather vocal black community makes it very difficult to institute any changes in the school that could "jeopardize the school's black heritage". The community forced out a white principal in order to place a black principal for example. This may be a bit unfair but it seems like the parents don't want their children to forget that they are black. I don't know, maybe they are afraid that if there is an infusion of students or administrators who do not share the same culture, that their children will loose touch with their heritage. Maybe the will start acting "white" as in the second guest on Dr. Phil's show. Do they not want their kids exposed to white kids? This sounds like we are back in the 50's again.
I cannot help feeling that the very culture they are struggling to maintain is what is keeping their children from achieving higher academic and social/economic goals.
Traditionally/historically the black community has been labeled as not able to achieve the same levels academically as their peers in the white community. With the preservation of the black heritage/culture in the schools, this prejudicial standard of performance is also maintained, not only in what may be expected of the students by teachers and administration but what the student has learned to expect in themselves. Segregate these kids from other races and cultures, not only are they loosing out on that experience but they perhaps limit the academic competition to the pool of students that historically have lower achievement levels. It lowers the bar so to speak.
Secondly, a key element in succeeding economically and socially, outside the cultural boundaries, is some level of assimilation. If I were to go into a prodomenantly black, intercity school wearing a shirt and tie and try and talk to a room full of teenagers about drug abuse. They are no more going to listen to me or respect me than if a Inner-city black addressed a Corporate board of directors or Senate sub-committee using the "gangsta" slang or hip-hop cultural dialects of the streets, wearing baggy shorts that hang precariously 6 inches below the waistband of their boxer shorts. There are language standards, grammar, sentence structure, common vocabulary etc., for a reason. Not to suppress freedom of expression or suppress a persons heritage or culture, but so people can communicate with each other with a reasonable level of common understanding. That does not mean you cannot celebrate/remember or exercise your culture / traditions etc. But to be what is considered socially and economically successful in the larger society you need to talk the talk and walk the walk.
Social standards are not static. They change over time. Some words or phrases previously considered street slang have been accepted as common, and correct in today's society. Heck, I wear jeans to work most days. It was not too long ago that corporate America work shirt and tie, to do otherwise was career limiting.
To try and tie all of this together; What I am attempting to illustrate is that prejudice is born primarily from ignorance. Segregation and separation from other races and culture promotes ignorance. The black community, at least a significant portion here in Durham, seem to be promoting the separation of their children from the white community. If not physically, socially. Celebrating/practicing individuality and Black culture, or any culture, is fine. But if practiced in such a way to alienate those around you who are not of that culture or faith sets an individual or group of individuals apart.... breading separation, which breeds ignorance, which breads prejudice.
Should everyone act the same; act "white"? No individuals or groups of individuals who purposely segregate them selves physically or culturally from those they interact with, in effect, are constructing barriers and hurdles that must be overcome before any real progress can be made, in whatever the endeavor, academic, economic or social
posted by Tim Grissom at 6:59 AM
1 Comments:
I have a number of things to say about your recent blog. It was interesting to read about your memories. However, please correct the name Houchins to read Houchens and the street to read Cedar Street. Will get back to you on this blog. Love MOM
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